I'm not pretty enough!!

I'm not cool enough! I'm not rich enough! I'm not smart enough!! Excuses... excusess.. excusess.. not saying this to anyone else.. I'm saying this to myself .. always have reasons when I faced something hard .. i'm not perfect ... still lot more to improve and i'm trying the best that I could to be a good person.. it's a battle and i'm not even half way to the end..

terlalu mahu dan mahu
terlupa apa yang perlu ..
terlalu banyak alasannya..
duduk terdiam ...

Love this song "Pokok" by Meet Uncle Hussain ft Hazama ..
Basically, the lyric above means we always want too much .. we forgot what most important ..
we always have excuses .. until in the end, we end up not saying anything anymore and give up..

I didn't understand the songs at first .. probably I tried too hard to understand it..
but one day while driving and listening to this song, it kind of get into my heart and my brain on how lovely and meaningful this song is ..

Have you seen the movie "UP"? yaa.. the cartoon..
but i don't think that movie was really meant for kids .. it's more to parents and to us, ADULTS..
it shows how short our life is ..

in just one movie, from the time Ellie and Carl met .. till the day Carl said Good Bye to Ellie .. and the end Carl said Good Bye to the house ..it's all in that 1.5 hours journey .. straight away I think about my mom ... we are lucky as we live in Malaysia where our culture of taking care our parents in their old age are still strong, so thank you my brother and sister for living near my mom and took care of her ..  I only see my mom like for 4 times a year .. again, lot of reasons ..  time, money, traffic jam, car not service yet, need to go somewhere else, bla bla bla, bla bla bla..excuses, excuses, excuses... sorry Mak .. and Thank You so much for understanding (i want to be like you when I'm old, mak!!!).

I still remember how fun it is to be a kid - source: internet

What I'm trying to say is .. about myself and my thought.. . that I'm going to be old one day .. in just 20 yrs, i'll be >50 .. in 30 yrs, i'll be > 60 .. and now as I'm 34, I know that 20 yrs more is not a long time .. I'm in the phase of going down the hill.. where everything seems so fast .. that's what my mom used to tell me few yrs ago ..

So .. what I'm trying to do now is to live life the best that I can .. enjoying time with my nieces and nephews, sisters, brothers, families, relatives .. and friends!!!! and I hope when I'm old, I still have you guys in my life.. and I want to be able to do like Carl did in his old age .. I want to be old and healthy.. just like Carl ..

Carl & Ellie - love this photo .. if you have partner, appreciate him/her.. he/she's not perfect, but so do you - source:internet

and parents .. please don't do what Russel's dad did.. he just missed the joy of being a father and the magical moments that your kids can give you.. of course, they are pain the the ass sometimes, a sharp knife stabbed to your heart when they said something bad to you (my sister know how sensitive I am when this happened .. so childish she said to me) .. hahahhaa.. but anyway, they have something that you can't get from other adults .. the feeling to be someone that they really look up to while growing up .. don't take that from them ..

If you notice, Russel's always smile and never talk bad about his dad.. he still love him although he's never there -   source: internet

and all including myself .. be positive like Ellie .. although she didn't get to go to Paradise Fall until the end of her life, but she look at other things in her life .. the adventure of life with Carl .. and she really grateful for that journey ..

I want to be able to look back (i mean the past, not what behind me, duhhhh.. hahaha ) .. able to smile and thank Allah for everything He has given me .. and of course, to be able to free myself from this material world and back to Allah and nature ... and live life moderately with the remaining time I have .. devoted to Him, insya Allah...

yup ... that's my goal.. it's not a secret anymore now.. hahahaha :P

Remember, in this life ..

Tak mudah namun tak susah (it's not easy .. but it's not hard)
Terserah atas pilihan .. (it's all your choice & of course Allah's will too .. )

It's your choice baby!!! If you really want something .. just do it!!!